Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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