My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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