Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
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she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
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I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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