she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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