Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
He did a backflip because drugs
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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