I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
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