He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
