I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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