if you like me you must not know who I am
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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