Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
