nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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