I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
