are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
