I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
