I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
