Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
