and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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