you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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