Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
