I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
