I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
