so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
