Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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