i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Randomize
