I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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