Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
