i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
