every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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