so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
