Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Someone came in the potted fern
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Randomize
