Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Randomize
