the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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