So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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