well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
