My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
