just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Randomize
