Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
