While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
