my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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