Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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