Say something about gay babies.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
