if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
