My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
