Dual....:-)
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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