i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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