My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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