i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
