I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
