You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
