I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
