I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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