Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I am naked and annoyed.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
