As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
