I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
