my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
