Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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