On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
