let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
sarcasm needs its own font
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
