would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
