4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
she smelled like a LAN party
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
