With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
