We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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