I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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