I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
We need to get me chipped asap
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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