i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
