Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Randomize
