As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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