Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
