Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
