If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
